


From the Beginning

by jordan1226



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa Week, Commander Lexa, Costia (The 100) Lives, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Grounder Culture, Heda Lexa, POV Lexa, Princess Clarke, Soulmates Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Titus Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-01-09 18:58:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12282489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jordan1226/pseuds/jordan1226
Summary: Lexa's life before the sky fell.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think/if there's anything specific from Lexa's past that you want to see in action! Currently planning to move through until we get to Clarke and there will be Clexa redemption!

Chapter 1: Lexa Kom Trikru  
There they were again-a pair of blurry faces reaching out to stroke her dark braids, gentle voices murmuring and echoes of "ai hod yu in Lexa.” The instant the faces slowly began to come into focus, Lexa was wide awake, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. Whether the frequent vision was a dream or a nightmare she was not sure. Her parents seemed less of a memory and more a figment of her imagination and it had been nearly ten years since she was taken- taken by the guard because of her black blood, taken because unbeknownst to her at such a young age, she was different, she was special.

Shaking the lingering curiosity, Lexa stretched and watched the sun begin to shine through the trees-rays bouncing off golden green leaves and singing the sky with a burnt orange. She heard Anya start to stir and a rush of adrenaline replaced the ache in her muscles from yesterday’s hunt.  
As a Natblida, Lexa was fortunate to spend so much time with her Fos. When the Commander was away on diplomatic errands his officiates also spent time outside of Polis and a hunting trip with her mentor certainly live up to the Commander’s idea of an extra curricular activity. Fight training and schooling were important, yes- but Lexa felt more at home sprinting through the forest than she ever did caged within the stone white walls of the capital. The animals and the stars and the trees didn't expect her to live up to her black blood. To them she was Leksa kom trikru and sometimes that was all she wanted to be. 

Anya gathered herself and began to saddle her horse.

"Briek em au," she said, gesturing to Lexa's mount.

"Sha"- she replied, already assembling the mass of hides and furs they'd acquired over the last few days and quickly saddling her snow-white stallion. Running a head along his quivering shoulder, she cooed softly and placed a kiss on his forehead. Settling into the saddle, she felt Skai’s muscles flex beneath her and knew that he too, was preparing himself for their journey back home.

As they began to head for Polis, Lexa quickly lost herself in her thoughts, wondering if she'd be able to get away with gifting one of the fox hides to Costia. The orange and white reminded her girlfriend of the sunset and of the Harvest Festival, where they’d shared an innocent first kiss. Quickly dismissing the memory she reminded herself of her responsibilities. She dare not even try, she murmured, if Titus was in charge of training when they returned. 

"Hodness laik kom kwelness" he would say, if he caught Lexa chasing her only object of affection. To be Commander is to be alone and yes, Lexa knew this, but she wasn't entirely convinced that dying at her conclave would be that much worse a fate than living without love.  
A chirp from Anya returned her to their ride and together they crossed Trikru's border with the capital, racing along the river until they reached the outer walls. The sentries nodded briefly and with a slight reverence at the sight of one of the Natblidas. Lexa dismounted quickly, handing the rains to a stable boy and bowed to her Fos before scaling the two flights of stairs to her room. She quickly removed the fox skin from where she had hidden it beneath her coat and slid it under her sheets, hoping Denavi was out training and therefore unable to poke fun at her romantic pursuit. To her amusement she heard the laughter of her brothers and sisters echo from down the hallway and rushed to join them.

Her heart swelled at the sight of the eight other nightbloods- the only eight in existence able to understand the pressure and responsibility Lexa felt course through her veins each day. This, this was the closet thing she had to a family and yet her joy was always immediately curbed at the thought of their inevitable fight to the death. She couldn't help but think that what she felt for them was not weakness- the violence and conflict that sparked across every clan border was weakness. The inability to achieve piece was weakness and the Commander was weak for believing otherwise. She habitually hushed these thoughts as her ticha signaled for silence. At such a young age she had no right to question the military tactics of Heda Marov. If "jus drein jus daun" was his policy then there would be no discussion. Heda's word was law, just as it would be when Lexa or another nightblood took command and so she straightened her spine and eagerly waited for that day's lesson- with the dream of peace lingering at her fingertips.


	2. Polis

The sound of wood against wood and leather boots crushing blades of grass filled the atmosphere. Lexa, as usual, was amidst her afternoon fight training and, as usual, was easily winning against Amelia. Though two years older she was not half as wise as Lexa and the latter' unique and formidable battle strategies were rarely rivaled. Her intentionally exposed shoulder was gone in a flash before Amelia could even begin to strike and the next she thing she saw was the bright blue sky as Lexa used the failed attack as an opportunity to sweep her staff low, tripping the older Nightblood. Letting out yet another exasperated sigh, Amelia reached out for a hand and Lexa quickly obliged to help her up. 

"Moba sis" she murmured, feeling a pang of guilt as the latest scrapes on Amelia's wrists began to well up with dark blood.

"B’am eintheing."

A flash of pride and laughter glazed over her strisis's eyes and Lexa knew she'd been forgiven. 

"Again!" shouted Titus. Lexa stole a glance at her ticha and felt a current of frustration begin to overwhelm her. It was almost dusk and she'd promised Costia they would meet after the sun set. Just one thought of her niron's sun kissed skin and dark hair was enough motivation to drive Amelia to the ground again and with Titus's grudging approval, Lexa chanted a farewell to the group and took off for the lower markets. 

Not wanting to be late, she rounded each corner with a speed and lightness only a Natblida could posses. Her black blood felt like gold when she was near Costia and her heart was racing from more than just the exercise. Headed for the marketplace, she waved apologetically at Indra, wishing she could stop to chat about the gonakru that was fighting the Azgeda border patrol for control over the land there. At the end of the rows of stands where Trikru came to sell nuts, roots and other foraged items were the stables and at the end of the stables Lexa could just make out the long silver tail of Aspen, Costia's stallion. Suddenly extremely aware of her sweat soaked clothes and tangled braids, she took a deep breath and calmed herself as her meditation training had taught her. She rounded the back of the stallion and immediately after, the world stopped. Her clothes and tangled hair didn't matter and life and death and the conclave and her black blood didn't matter. Costia stood before her with a smile as wide as the eastern ocean and she stepped into the warmth and safety of her lover's arms. "Ai hodness" she whispered. It had been a little over a week since the pair had laid eyes on each other and even longer since they'd had a moment alone without Titus present to dissipate their affections. 

Their relationship, ever since it had turned from childish games to lust and love, had been weighed down by the royalty of Lexa's blood. Their future was either marked by Lexa's death or by Lexa's reign and neither outcome accounted for Costia. Despite this and despite Titus's blatant disapproval, the young couple was inseparable. Without a true family and surrounded by constant reminders of her duty, Lexa felt whole and human only at Costia's side and it was this oasis of calm that allowed Lexa to escape the burden of her destiny when it seemed unbearable.   
"Mafta ai op" Costia whispered, with a gleam of mischief behind her smile. With a look like that Lexa had no choice but to follow.


	3. Costia

Costia gently pulled Lexa after her and the pair disappeared behind the barn doors. With only a few hours until her evening meditation with the Commander and other nightbloods, Lexa was anxious for their brief time alone.

Their affection had bloomed over stolen glances in the training arena and before she was joined by the other officiates, Costia had served as a formidable sparring partner. Costia had hoped to join Trikru's gona force and to lead a group of warriors against the Azgeda someday. Until then she'd mastered woodwork and had an aptitude for hunting. Lexa's interest in the slender, mysterious huntress grew over the course of their friendship and she'd flirted behind her sword, hoping to impress with near perfect battle skills. Costia had returned the affection and shortly after Lexa's 16th birthday they had begun to steal occasional kisses behind the stable walls. Though seemingly platonic and casual, Titus had quickly caught on to Lexa's pursuit and had been aggressively trying to dissuade her ever since. 

His teachings flew out the window, however, when Lexa scaled the ladder to see the barn loft covered in soft animal furs. The walls glimmered in warm candlelight and the stable opkepa's had gone home for the evening, having cared well for the prized war horses. Their two shorts hours together stretched out before Lexa and she suddenly felt humbled by her simple love for a beautiful girl. 

Fisting her hands in Costia's hair she kissed her deeply and the electric chemistry between them flared. As calm as she was seconds before, she now moved hurriedly, tearing off the layers of leather and cotton until she could run her fingers down smooth, tanned skin. Costia pulled her in tightly and stepped back towards their makeshift bed. In a flurry of hands on hips and heavy moans, Lexa moved down slowly, kissing and rubbing down her niron's body until she was inside her. One hand intertwined with Costia's and the other rubbing circles of pleasure, she kissed and whispered and nuzzled until she heard her own name chanted softly, over and over in ecstasy. The pair spent an eternity locked in each other's arms, moaning sighs of pleasure and trading effortless smiles. 

What felt like days later, Lexa pushed herself up onto her forearms and leaned in for a parting kiss. Costia gently wove her fingers into Lexa's braids and looked at her lovingly. They knew this moment was rare, rare and fleeting and special. Racked with guilt for having to leave and seething with frustration at Titus, Lexa dawned her clothes and took her time knotting the laces on her boots. She slipped out silently from behind the barn doors and made her way to the Ascension room. 

Counting only three of her brothers, she felt a rush of relief at not being the last one through the door. She sat down quietly at the right hand of Heda Marov's armchair and waited for their meditation to begin. The Commander was the last to arrive and greeted them affectionately.   
"monin hou Natblidas. We have all been away for some time, myself included and I am glad to have returned to your bright and eager young minds. Tell me, shopta Denavi? Amelia? How have you fared during my absence?" 

As the oldest of the group Amelia was always the one to report first. "Well, Heda. We are well. Training today went as planned and Lexa and Birch returned from hunting. Denavi completed his first scouting mission and Titus will be in to speak with you later this evening."   
"Mochof, Amelia. Now, before we begin, who can remind me, what are the three pillars of being Commander and which do we draw strength from during our meditations?”

"fiyanes, noun, uf" quoted Lexa, verbatim as she'd learned them her third day in Polis all those years ago. "But more than that, Heda must know when to use each of the pillars for every situation demands it's own approach. We draw from our wisdom when we join our spirit with those of the past Commanders." 

The Commander smiled proudly at his most promising Natblida, recognizing her intelligence and tendency towards flexibility. He settled back, comforted by the knowledge that should he die in the upcoming fight against the Ice Queen, his legacy would be safe in Lexa's hands. Closing his eyes, he signaled for quiet. 

At the wave of Heda's hand, the Natblida's took up their own meditations and the group felt grounded by their shared ancestry. Lexa gave thanks for the Commander's well being and for another day by her siblings side.


	4. The Commander

"Reshop Natblidas." The young students slowly rose to their feet, gathered their thoughts and bowed to their Commander before following each other to rest for the night. 

"Lexa- I'd like you to stay awhile please." 

Fearing that the Commander had somehow acquired knowledge of her activities prior to mediation, Lexa swallowed nervously and turned to face him. To her utter relief he was assembling map after map of territory and battle plans. 

"Come, goufa. Tell me what you see. Tell me how you would approach the situation at present."   
Lexa carefully peered over the pages, noting size and strength of each of the gonakru's stationed along Blue Cliff and Delphi territorial. Although Trikru, Rockline and the Glowing Forest had joined forces, Lexa knew war was still brewing. Tensions had been high ever since Azgeda gona's had been caught stealing supplies and food to feed the northern villages. Queen Nia would do most anything to keep control and whilst some clans had opted to keep their heads low and avoid battle, the Commander had called for a war force to invade the north and take control. The Clans opposed to conflict were threatening to cease trade and all previously reliable treaties were suddenly tense.   
Lexa quietly worked through battle strategy in her head and Heda Marov marveled at how quickly she came to his same conclusion. Though she herself would opt for a summit to discuss more peaceful tactics, she knew what was expected of her. 

"If Trikru and Rock Line can move at least a hundred gona here” she gestured to a outcrop of redwood trees marked by small clay figurines, “then Glowing Forest can send scouts to reason with Blue Cliff and Delphi. Our warriors should move north, one village at a time, and recruit Azgeda gonas by order of the Commander. I highly doubt many will remain loyal to Nia in the face of so many of the other clans.”

“And so it has been done, Natblida. The scouts are due back in two days time. I fear troublesome news from the South- Delphi has always been particularly stubborn during wartime and I expect my presence will be required to force their cooperation. I trust in my absence you will continue your training and refrain from the social engagements that Titus reports you have continued to involve yourself in.”

Damn it. So Titus did rat her out. Lexa’s frustrations went far beyond the usual teenage angst. Heda was the only soul on earth who could reassure her that life as a commander would bring satisfaction and joy- but even doubting such a future would mark Lexa as weak. Her status, her black blood- they were coveted and revered and no one would possibly understand why she wouldn’t want such privilege.

She nodded in submission. “Sha Heda.”

Turning to return to her room, she stole one last glance at her Commander. Tall with broad shoulders and blue black tattoos wrapping around his biceps, he looked invincible, undefeatable. Little did Lexa know this would be the last time she would see him alive.


	5. Conclave

Rough hands were shaking her awake and an overwhelming sense of panic filled the room. Lexa opened weary eyes to see the rest of her siblings being rudely awoken. Titus stood in the doorway, face solemn and the remnants of tear stains lining his cheeks.

Fuck. Fuck. No. Not today, not now.

Refusing eye contact and fighting back tears, Lexa gathered herself and tried uselessly to calm her breathing. The other nightbloods stood lightyears away from each other, each struggling to wrap their heads around the thought of killing each other. Titus didn’t need to explain. Today would be the their conclave. The Spirit would find the next Commander through their battle and the Flame would carry on. Lexa silently followed her siblings through the hall, into the Ascension room where they froze at the sight of Heda Marov’s body- still and somehow much smaller than she remembered. Titus gently removed the white sheet and gestured for the officiates to begin paying their respects.

Lexa wanted to scream, wanted to ask how it had happened. She wanted to throw up, feign ill, run away. She wanted to delay the conclave or dismantle it altogether. She couldn’t kill her friends, her brothers, her sisters. She couldn’t kill them, couldn’t bear the thought of their motionless bodies drowning in a sea of black. She would die first, she decided. She couldn’t kill them, she couldn’t, couldn’t.

But even more than that Lexa could not even begin to describe the horror she felt when she pictured Costia ruined, holding her lifeless corpse. Costia shattering, breaking, losing her pure smile. Costia spending her days alone, drowning in despair. Costia angry, angry because Lexa could kill her siblings, she could win the conclave and she could rule as Commander. She was the most well trained, the most capable. She could do this, she just didn’t want to. She could do this, and she knew Costia would never forgive her if she didn’t. Lexa couldn’t destroy her family, but she couldn’t destroy her love either and it was in this moment when she felt quite literally, her heart crack into two, that she decided she would win. She would win and she would rule and she would fight for peace and she would ride the world of the conclave. She could and she would.


	6. Conclave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's rise to the throne. 
> 
>  
> 
> Let me know what you think!

Eyes closed. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Lexa silenced the cheering of the crowd in her mind. She silenced the obnoxious pounding of her heart, the blood pooling in her ears. She gripped the leather of her jacket and adjusted her weight, feeling the familiar pressure of her double swords pressed against her back and the array of daggers cleverly hidden. She could sense the tension and excitement in the crowd. To the twelve clans the nightbloods were not children- they were something ethereal and other-worldly and Lexa chose to believe that their desperation for new leadership was what trumped the morality of pitting teenagers against each other in a fight to the death. 

The sound of the horn resonated throughout the arena and Lexa did not only hear it, she felt it down to the core of her bones, felt it ignite the oxygen within her lungs and she opened her eyes to find a singular face- Costia’s brown eyes pierced through the crowd and there was nothing else. Nothing besides the waves of pride and love and forgiveness ebbing from her partner. 

In a heartbeat her focus shifted to the sword seeking her out. Of course Eli would be the first to strike. They took up defensive stances and met each other’s gaze- Lexa could see the fear beneath his aggression. Swiftly dodging his next attempt, Lexa drew both swords from her back and in a flash of complicated footwork and the clang of metal on metal, Eli was disarmed and at her mercy. Lexa bore down on him, sword to throat. She was painfully aware of Astrid and Jax- the youngest- laying motionless in a pool of black blood several yards away. She was painfully aware of Birch withdrawing his knife from Jax’s side and turning to seek out his next challenge. Amelia and Tris were back to back, taking turns fending off blows from Denavi. Lexa, at the sight of her brothers and sisters turning against each other, suffocating from fear and panic, she shattered. She felt such a product of this culture that revolved around and rewarded violence. She felt powerless to escape it. 

Her gaze returned to the child in front of her, no longer a fierce warrior but a human being. She quite literally held his life in her hands. She could barely hear the crowd encouraging his death before she felt Denavi approach her from behind. Twirling on her heel, she met his blade with both of her own. In an attempt to disarm her, Denavi drove his sword between hers forcing her back with his superior strength. Quite accustomed to this tactic, Lexa took several steps back before ducking low and taking a swing at his legs. She turned only to see Eli struggling to stand as Denavi drove his sword through the boy’s gut in an attempt to reduce the competition. Lexa was painfully aware of Denavi’s ambition. As the most promising nightblood, Lexa was the capitol’s favorite and Denavi knew his ascension would only be supported if he won the conclave through her death. Lexa felt anger replace her inner turmoil and she suddenly had no qualms about finishing this fight. Amelia and Tris lay bleeding out, fingers intertwined after evidently having lost their battle against Denavi. 

Before she could pause to mourn the loss of her sisters, Lexa realized she was being double teamed. Birch and Denavi stood, side by side, both knowing they would were no match for Lexa on their own. The ascension, the Flame, the command were irrelevant. Lexa’s mind was soley focused on surviving this attack. Instincts kicked in and she moved forward to drive a wedge between the boys. With her left sword, she took a swing at Denavi’s outstretched foot and felt a twinge of satisfaction as his strike missed her shoulder and he fell to the ground gripping his freshly stabbed ankle. Side stepping Birch’s advances, Lexa spun and met his blade with both of her own and easily twisted the weapon out of his grasp. Standing before her, defenseless, Birch came at her with fists raised. Lexa dodged a punch and delivered a forcefull blow with the heel of her boot, sending Birch reeling backwards and conveniently onto the raised blade of Denavi, who was getting up. With a single opponent left, Lexa felt the exhaustion begin to flood her muscles. She wanted to mourn Jax and Amelia. She wanted to curl up in Costia’s embrace. She felt, more than ever, that she wanted to live. Denavi swiftly pulled his sword from Birch’s torso and rolled the boy’s body off him. He came at Lexa with a newfound aggression and knocked her swords from her hands in a flash of angry strikes. With a painful shove, Lexa found herself on her back. Denavi bore down on her, dropping his blade and leaning down to deliver the final blow with his pocketknife. Eye to eye, propped up on her elbows, Lexa drew the hidden knife from its concealed location between her braids and in one smooth motion, penetrated Denavi’s jugular while blocking his strike with her left arm. Searing pain shot through her wrist as his knife made contact and she felt blood begin to soak through her leather, but it was not hers. Lexa rose, unsteady and shocked, having narrowly escaped Denavi’s fatal blow. 

She did not hear the crowd cheering, but rather the blood pounding in her ears. She did not see the citizens of Polis ablaze with excitement, but rather her siblings laying motionless about the arena. She did not feel her wounds or the ache of her muscles, but rather Titus’s strong grip escorting her from the battlefield. Once in private, his words flew past her. Her entire life had been spent preparing for this moment and she knew her obligations- to pay respects to the fallen Natblida, to accept the Flame and address the Ambassadors. 

Titus, clearly realizing that his words were not getting through, left Lexa to clean herself up and reminded her to find her way to the Ascension chamber when she was ready. 

Finally alone, Lexa stripped herself of her battle clothes, placing them in the fireplace and lighting the bundle on fire. She watched them burn, then scrubbed her skin raw with hot water, trying to rid her body of the guilt she felt. It wasn’t until she dawned a fresh shirt that she realized her hands were still shaking. Her entire frame was shaking, and for the first time in her life she felt small, and powerless. For the first time in her life, she missed the parents she’d never known.

The realization that she was now the Commander began to set in. Her guilt was quickly becoming compounded with the weight of her new responsibilities. She had a duty to her people now, to protect them the way she couldn’t protect her siblings. 

Lexa made her way to the Ascension room, where the bodies of the eight fallen Natblida lay atop white sheets. The room was strewn with candles and Lexa was faced with the task of paying respects to the very people who had just tried to kill her. As soon as the doors closed and she was left alone with the bodies, a voice echoed through the room. 

Luna slowly raised her head from the sheets, looking Lexa dead in the eye. 

“Lexa, you have to help me.”


	7. Chapter 7: A Rock and a Hard Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's first decision as Commander and a farewell she never thought would come.

“Luna, what the hell!” Lexa stood, paralyzed. Accepting the deaths of her siblings was one thing. Accepting her new role as Commander was another. But this, this was unprecedented. This was an entirely new realm of judgement that now fell upon her shoulders. Technically Lexa was not the true Commander until every other Natblida lay dead. But technically cheating her way out of the Conclave disqualified Luna from the position. One thing was for certain- the 12 clans would expect an execution for Luna’s betrayal and disrespect for their ways. But that was only if they knew. Lexa couldn’t help but empathize with the fear and desperation in Luna’s eyes. Of course she could understand. To kill was horrific. To be killed while refusing to fight- that took more courage. 

So Lexa listened as Luna explained how she’d watched as Jax and Astrid were slain and how she’d feared her own life would be next. She listened as Luna explained how she’d feigned a blow and landed next to their lifeless bodies, smearing herself in their blood as she pretended to struggle for breath. Realizing that the crowd’s attention, as well as Birch’s had shifted to Lexa’s fight, Luna realized that no one would know the difference if she’d pretended to be dead and so she did just that. The guards had carried her deadweight to the Ascension room, quite convinced by the amount of blood she was covered in. 

Lexa held her trembling hands as the story concluded. She decided then that she could not kill this girl for simply wanting to live. 

“Luna. Luna listen to me. I’m not going to kill you. What happened in that arena was something no citizen of Polis could even begin to understand. You acted out of fear and survival. You could not kill your brothers and sisters. I don’t believe that there is any shame in not wanting to take a life. I’m not going to kill you.” 

Luna began to sob in relief. 

“Moba heda. Moba, mochof.” She strangled through panicked breaths. 

“Luna, stop. Stop. I’m not going to kill you but you can’t stay here. I’m not going to hurt you but if anyone finds out you’re alive I won’t have a choice. You can’t stay here and you can’t be seen leaving. Do you understand me?” 

Luna silently nodded her understanding, tears beginning to fade and a sense of motivation beginning to return. She was safe for now, but not for long. 

“What are we going to do?” she whispered. 

Lexa’s subconscious had been working since the moment Luna had rose from the table. She was painfully aware that her absence would be more than noticed if she tried to leave Polis but Luna would not be able to reach the Boat Clan alone. The Floukru were pacifists and least likely to harm a child. Though they’d sworn allegiance to the Flame Lexa was hopeful that they wouldn’t question Luna’s arrival. Bordering the edge of clan territories, she felt certain that none of their gonakru would recognize the young warrior, and if she refrained from combat and never revealed her black blood, she just might be safe. 

Problem was, there was only one person Lexa trusted with a mission so dangerous and it just so happened she was the one person Lexa could not lose. 

“Luna I need you to lie back down and pretend to be dead. I have a plan but I need to work some things out. Can you stay here as before?” 

Luna nodded with confidence and returned to her sleeping facade on the table. 

Lexa gave her one last squeeze of affection before turning to leave. The guards had not questioned her time alone. It was natural that the chosen Natblida be given ample time to say goodbye to their fellow officiates and to choose the burial site. 

“No one enters this room until I return. Am I understood?” Lexa stood and spoke with conviction. 

“Sha heda.” Both guards bowed in respect and Lexa felt a twinge of both disbelief and acceptance of the power she now held. 

Returning to her new chambers on the top floor of the tower, Lexa quickly sent a handmaid to retrieve Costia and her lover was soon slipping through the grand oak doors. 

Wanting to comfort Lexa, Costia closed the space between them to deliver a warm embrace but Lexa stopped her. She was afraid that if she let herself break down now, she would not be able to find the strength to send her beloved out those doors. 

Costia shrank back, hurt flooding her golden brown eyes.   
“Costia I need you to do something for me. I need you to do it and not ask any questions.”

Lexa couldn’t bare to hold her gaze any longer and began wringing her hands as the anxiety took over. Taking several painful breaths, compartmentalizing her fears and dedicating herself to this mission, she looked back up at her lover. 

“Costia I need you to take Luna to the Floukru. You cannot be seen and you can never speak of this to anyone. Take her to the Boat Clan and ask for Liam. He will help her from there.” 

“Consider it done, Heda.” Shock replaced the concern on Costia’s face but she quickly regained composure. She turned to leave, clearly surprised and upset by the straightforward order. 

“Costia, I’m asking this of you as the Commander. I’m asking this as Lexa. I don’t know what’s happening and I don’t know who to trust. I know I’m needed here but I can’t kill Luna. I can’t do it. I didn’t even know she’d faked her death until just minutes ago but I just can’t kill her and you’re the only person I trust to understand that. Please will you do this for me?” 

Costia’s expression immediately softened and she took Lexa’s shaking hands into her own, gently rubbing her palms. 

“You know I will. And you know that I will come home to you. You may be the Commander outside these walls, but in here, you’re my Lexa.” 

Costia then rose to leave and Lexa knew her lover would carry out her plan. The many nights sneaking around the tower to see each other had given Costia a comprehensive understanding of how to move about unseen. 

As soon as the doors closed, Lexa felt herself collapse inwards again. This time, to mourn the loss of her relationship because she knew that she would never truly be Lexa again. She was The Commander and the position demanded all of her, all of the time. She was forever bound to her people now. 

Allowing herself another moment of grief, she gathered her thoughts and prepared to leave once again. This time, to receive the Flame.


	8. Chapter 8: The Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we meet Gustus and see Lexa begin to accept her responsibility. I'm going to start adding in some more Trigedaslang but I promise I'll provide translations. Happy reading!

Lexa made her way back to the Ascension room. One by one, she lifted the bodies of her fallen siblings and brought them to the funeral pyre on the balcony. Only once she’d ensured that their eyes were closed and hands were peacefully laid across their chests did she set the pyre ablaze. As the smoke and sparks began to light the tip of the tower, the citizens of Polis slowly began to make their way into the streets, silently watching the next generation of commanders come to maturity. Lexa would not address them until the day after, but her presence was enough to elicit whispers and bows. Her performance in the Conclave had only solidified the clans respect and reverence for her. The authority was not only gained through the Title but through the trust of her people as well. Lexa knew this more than any of the other Natblia and it was what Titus and Marov had seen in her from the time she’d arrived in the capitol. She gave a silent wave to her people and returned to the Ascension room. 

For the first time, Lexa relaxed into the ornate, wooden throne carved specifically for each Commander. Her throne had been crafted throughout the night and fit her stature to perfection. Slowly leaning back against the smooth wood, she closed her eyes. Deep breaths took her to another world of calm and acceptance. She silently say her goodbyes to her siblings, internalizing their deaths as well as her new responsibility to honor their memory. Birch would have given anything for the chance to Command. Denavi wanted nothing more than to lead a war against the Azgeda. Tris and Jax wanted to see the ocean. Lexa vowed to carry out their wishes and to dedicate her life to the experiences they would never have. She vowed to be the Commander they would have aspired to become. To sacrifice a life of love and pleasure and enjoyment was nothing compared to their sacrifice and Lexa finally understood what it meant to hold this power within her. She finally understood Marov’s empty bed and lonely nights. To be anything other than a leader to her people was a disgrace to the memory of the Natblida, and all those who had died to protect the Flame. With this realization came a sense of calm. The thought of a new goal, a new task to dedicate herself to ignited a motivation that Lexa had never felt. 

Her meditation was abruptly interrupted by Titus’s arrival. He entered unaccompanied and made his way to the remaining table in the room. Gesturing for Lexa to come and to lay before him, his expression was unyielding. Although the details of the Flame were reserved for the Fleimkepa, Lexa knew enough to respect the transfer of power, and to not ask questions. She’d seen the scar on the back of Marov’s neck. She’d listened to his stories of advice from former Commanders. She’d noticed the guards protecting Titus since Marov’s body had returned from the battle on the border. 

Trusting Titus, she followed his gesture and laid facedown on the table. Titus gently parted her hair from the nape of her neck and Lexa slowed her breathing and closed her eyes. She felt a thin blade pierce her skin and was about to retaliate but was overtaken with an electric shock as powerful as lightning. Every nerve was aflame and connected and disconnected and weightless. She felt a surge of strength and knowledge and exhaustion sweep through her. She felt lifetimes of pain and loss barrel through her all at once. She felt all of these things and at the same time, felt none of them. She looked down on her body and felt the weightlessness of her Spirit. Lifting her gaze she saw the sillhouettes of the dozens of Commanders before her stepping forward into the light. Though they did not speak, Lexa had no trouble understanding the new severity of her actions. One by one, the Commanders begin to kneel. Confused for only a moment, Lexa realized they were bowing to her. Every head in the room was bowed in respect. Every Commander was imparting their blessing and approval of her reign and she had never felt so overwhelmed with pride. She no longer felt alone for before here were the only people in the world who could understand the position she would now be in. 

The Commanders slowly began to retreat to the shadows and Lexa felt her eyelids become heavy. One by one, her toes and fingertips regained feeling and she woke having returned to her body. Exhausted and reeling with the knowledge of a thousand lifetimes, she struggled to sit up and Titus moved to support her, clearly having witnessed this before. 

As soon as she regained enough strength to support her own weight, Titus dropped to the floor before her. 

“Heda. Welcome, Heda.” 

“Mochof, Titus. Rise. Let it be known and send riders to the furthest villages. Heda Marov has passed and we have entered a new reign. At sunset tomorrow, the new Commander of the Blood will address the citizens of Polis and the search for the next Natblida will begin.” 

“Consider it done Heda. Will you allow me to introduce you to Gustus? He was chosen by Heda Marov to serve and protect you in the life, wherever you may travel. Your safety is now his only task.”

“Send for him.”

Titus promptly left the room and Lexa attempted to stand, leaning heavily on the table behind her. She’d just begun to find her footing when Titus returned alongside a large, burly gona, who immediately knelt in a deep bow. 

Already sick of this new greeting, Lexa gestured for him to rise and gripped his forearm in a more customary display of respect. 

Still weak and emotionally drained, she decided to discuss her protective detail in the morning. 

“Gustus will you accompany me to the my chambers and see that they are guarded through the night by your most trusted warriors?”

“I will be guarding you myself tonight, Heda. Tonight and always.”


	9. Born for This

Lexa’s dreams were filled with the intensity of battle and war and of voices that she’d never heard before but somehow still sounded familiar, shouting for her to aid them. She woke, covered in a sweat that felt more like blood, and panting for breath. Whether it was the trauma from the days past or the Flame claiming her as its own, she mourned the loss of her conscious. She belonged to the lineage of Commanders now. Disappointed that her decision to retire early last night had not been fruitful, she gave up on sleep and slipped out from beneath the sheets. She dawned a dark long sleeve shirt and black jeans and settled into a seated position, back resting against the footboard of her bed. 

Easing into the calming rhythm of her breath, she let go. In. Out. Again. 

In. Out. 

She melted into the scenery of her imagination. Seated on a warm rock heated by the sun, she focused on the babbling stream in front of her. Green and golden and red singed leaves fell from the trees above and floated towards- then away from her. 

In. Out.

As images of her siblings laying in pools of dark blood arose, she let them wash away with the water. 

In. Out. 

Costia’s pained look before leaving her bedside last night vanished with the colors of fall. 

In. Out. 

Hopes and dreams of a life away from Polis left her mind and travelled far, far away. 

Lexa let go of the person she thought she was going to be. No longer a student or a warrior in training. No longer a mischevious, sly teenager sneaking away to kiss her girlfriend. Lexa looked down at her reflection in the stream and began to build a new vision of the leader she hoped to be. 

Confident in her war strategy and skill in battle, the militaristic aspect of her new identity felt solidified. Dedicated to her dream of a Coalition and unity between the 12 clans, she saw a new string of goals line up before her. Dreams of her parent’s faces faded into the blurred images of new Natblida, travelling to Polis to learn under her guidance and wisdom. Leksa com Trikru joined the leaves travelling down the river and was gently replaced with the new Commander of the Blood. 

Her meditation was rudely interrupted by a handmaiden no older than Lexa herself, and who clearly realized her mistake upon seeing the Commander’s stern gaze. 

“Moba Heda. I was instructed to attend you this morning.” 

“It’s alright. What is your name?”

“Arya.”

“Well then Arya, I appreciate your punctuality. In the future please knock before entering and instruct your comrades to do the same. I do not appreciate being interrupted.” Lexa was still growing accostomed to addressing members of the palace in such an authoritative manner, but it was the way of her people and she knew better than to show any sign of weakness. 

“Sha heda,” the girl replied, with a low bow.

Lexa allowed the girl to present her with brand new, knee high boots- made of the finest leather and she sat silently as her new servant laced them together, one foot at a time. She closed her eyes and attempted to regain some sense of calm as her hair was brushed, parted and woven into a complex series of braids The cold surprised her momentarily, as Arya began to apply her war paint. The finishing touch was a long, heavy outer coat, and the blood red sash that fell over one shoulder. The Flame was for her own sake- to mark her reincarnation as the next Commander. The sash was for her people’s sick- a token of their trust and a reassuring sign that their leadership was alive and well. When they were finished, Lexa guessed that she appeared much more confident than she felt, and was grateful. 

Arya bowed once more before leaving her chambers, and Lexa took one last look at herself in the mirror. The red cloth glared back at her, angry against its backdrop of black cloth and black paint. Lexa was angry too, angry that this burden now rested upon her. More than that though, she was angry that she felt so scared. Her entire life had been a preparation for this moment and she still felt unsure, felt much smaller than the battle hardened warrior looking back at her. 

Costia’s whispers, in the early hours of the morning drifted back to her. Promises of a life away from Polis and a blurred image of the ocean and the girl she loved was becoming more and more real. As her mind found its way to Costia, however, she felt a sharp pain from the back of her neck and her fantasy was shattered. The deep voices from her sleep returned, growling and arguing. They spoke of duty and honor. They spoke of a legacy and lineage that Lexa dare not disrespect and she quickly realize they were right. Her life had never been her own to command because it had always been about commanding the lives of others. She opened her eyes and looked once more at her reflection Staring deep into the forest green looking back at her in the mirror, she spoke confidently. 

“You were born for this.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is my first fic and i really only started it because i miss lexa so much but i am more than happy to continue if any of you out there want me to/have suggestions for what aspects of Lexa's life you want to see. also i do plan on getting to clexa endgame

Lexa retreated from the safety of her chambers and made her way to the Ascension room. The leaders of Trikru and several other clans were gathered there, joined by Titus and Lexa felt Gustus’s presence as her kept his gaze trained on her every move. Jaw locked and head held high, she strode confidently to the throne that was waiting for her and as she passed, every gona in the room dropped to their knees in a deep bow. Lexa settled herself, then raised her hand indicating her respect for those present and her wish to be heard. 

“Mochof, gonakru. The last few days have been turbulent for us all and no doubt, turbulent for your people. Rest assured their well being is, and will always be, my duty and promise to you. I swear my allegiance to the warriors of the Blood as they swear fealty to their Heda. I recognize this transition of power has come at an abrupt time and we are all well aware of the threats posed against Polis. The Ice Nation marches for the border as we speak, and as much as I would rather choose to settle matters within our territories, the possibility of war must be addressed.” 

Murmurs began to ripple through those present and a wave of panic started to creep in. 

Lexa raised a hand, demanding silence. 

“War has been the way of our people. We have learned to fend for ourselves, to trust on rare occasions and to fall to violence as our only strength. I propose a new future. One that will bend with the differences of the twelve clans but bind us together in peace.”

Lexa watched the shock and judgement cross over the faces of the clan leadership and realized her opportunity was quickly fading. 

“I propose a Coalition- a union between the twelve clans in which trade, friendship and leadership can join as one. A Coalition that honors the interests and wishes of every clan, but holds each of us accountable to the laws we would set in stone together. I propose a council of Ambassadors- made up of an elected representative from every kru to protect the wellbeing of their people. I do not wish to be feared by my people, but respected for leading them towards a better way of life.” 

Lexa felt a wave of immense gratitude wash over as Indra stepped forward to speak in support of this possibility. 

“Perhaps Heda is right,” she began. “How can we ever begin to live beyond survival with threats at every turn. Perhaps we could respect our differences, even honor them, but work alongside each other instead of against.” 

Leaders from the Boat people, the Floukru and the Glowing forest began silently nodding in agreement, and Lexa knew that her seeds of peace had been planted. 

“What I am suggesting will not be easy and I am well aware of the fact that lives may be lost in the quest for peace. Rock Line and Delphi will be difficult to persuade and the Lake People have preferred solitude for as long as I can remember. But the ways in which we’ve lived have resulted in so much death and suffering- pain that I no longer wish to see my people endure.” 

“And what of Azgeda?” asked Indra. The question was tainted with more concern than of doubt. 

“I believe that confronted with a unified force of the other eleven clans, Azgeda will be compelled to enter the alliance rather than face our gonakru in its entirety. The Coalition will represent loyalty beyond dedication to the Flame and to my command. It will represent loyalty to each other. I ask that you send riders, messages or travel yourselves if you must. I require a decision from each of the clans by the end of the week if we are to avoid Azgeda’s approach towards Polis.” 

Titus opened the double doors, signaling for the room to be emptied and leaders and warriors filed out with, for the first time in a long time, faces filled with hope rather than frustration. 

Lexa then turned to step out onto the balcony, where the citizens of Polis and those who had traveled from the eleven clans had gathered beneath the tower to honor their new Commander. Though war still brewed, battles broke out every day and the Clans were as distant as ever, loyalty and reverence for the Flame and lineage of leadership ran through the blood of every Grounder and Lexa’s authority even without her dream of a Coalition was vast. 

Upon the sight of their Heda, excitement and exclamations of joy rippled through the crowd. Countless heads fell to their knees in worship, parents gesturing for their children to follow. Lexa couldn’t help but feel a warmth spread throughout her body. 

Since her first public appearance as a Natblida she had been rumored to be the next Commander. Since word of Marov’s early approval and favoritism towards the brunette had spread, Lexa became known to every citizen of Polis. Her performance at the Conclave had only solidified their firmly held belief that she was their rightful leader. 

“People of Polis! Your respect is well received and returned to you tenfold. Though we mourn the loss of the Commanders before me and the lives of Natblida lost yesterday, we honor their sacrifice with the promise of prosperity for our children and goodwill within this capitol. Though the Flame only now resides within me, my duty to you has run through my veins since my birth and I swear my allegiance to the warriors of the Blood. I give my life, my leadership and my wisdom to the Clans, now and always.” 

Cheers rapidly followed Lexa’s speech and though she appreciated their support, there was more to be addressed. Raising her hand, only slightly, silence fell upon the crowd in a matter of seconds. 

“As is tradition, the search for the next generation of Natblida is underway. The legacy of the Flame is the way forward and those who will carry it after my death must come forward to accept their birthright, as I have now accepted mine.” 

“Hail warriors of the Blood!” Lexa raised a fist in solidarity as she spoke with heavy conviction. 

“Hail Commander of the Blood” The promise echoed through the crowd until Lexa could have sworn she heard it from the distant mountaintops and from the dense forests outside the city walls. Most importantly, she heard it in the recesses of her mind, as the Commanders before her bowed in respect to the most wise and fearless Heda the world would ever come to know.


End file.
